Deep Self Love: Introduction

I’m writing a book about how to say “yes” to being human during times of unprecedented change. “Deep Self Love” explores topics like Anger, Listening, Patience, and Play, how they show up in our lives and the universal laws of nature, and how they invite us into a deeper experience of who we really are regardless of circumstance.

I’d love your feedback and encouragement to keep the momentum going and make sure the final version is as readable and relevant as possible! In addition to my monthly essays, I’ll be posting an excerpt from the book at the beginning of the month.

I invite you to comment below on this excerpt or reach out to me for a draft of the whole chapter and provide feedback via email by the end of the month. I’ll also be hosting a virtual discussion group mid-month if you’d like to dig into the topic a little deeper in community.

To receive expanded excerpts from the Introduction and/or sign-up for the virtual discussion on Sunday, September 15th, please email me at nancy@innerwoven.net. Whether you join us for a month, jump in as topics inspire you, or follow the whole journey, I hope you get some good insights, inspiration, and support along the way!

To view all excerpts related to this book project, please enter “Deep Self Love” in the search bar at the top of the page. 

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Much has already been written about self-compassion. That isn’t what this book is about. It isn’t about becoming a more patient and forgiving person or finding more acceptance or serenity with your life, although those qualities may begin arising naturally as you read.

This book isn’t about spiritual seeking. Gurus and sages have been teaching and writing about spiritual practice for millennia. That isn’t what you’ll find in these pages. All the maps, practices, and explanations are laid out for you already by others far more awake and attuned than I ever hope to be, although you may find many of those ideas woven into my words.

This book isn’t about health and wellness. Our world is full of resources on dieting, detox, fitness, and self-care. Everything you need to diagnose and treat whatever ails your mind and body is readily available for anyone with resources and patience, although you may notice your physical healing deepening as you engage in these practices.

This book isn’t about saving the planet. So much is coming to light about our planet’s predicament, about the future of our species and life itself, about our responsibility and what we can do to prevent extinction and reverse climate change. I suspect no one alive has the breadth and depth of knowledge and insight it would take to write a book that does justice to what we are currently facing and what it calls us to do, although your own way of serving may take shape as you reflect on these ideas.

This book isn’t about psychology, spirituality, health, or ecology. It isn’t about cosmology, anthropology, history, or mythology. And yet it touches on the rich traditions of them all.

If you look beneath the surface, read between the lines, let the words breathe a new substance into your dreams and way of moving in the world, you’ll being to realize this book is about everything.

When I say “everything” I mean that this book is the sum total of my conscious awareness’s best effort to understand and coalesce everything I’ve learned and experienced in a lifetime lived at the crux of unprecedented planetary change, the pace and scope of which creates transformational pressures never before seen in the history of our species, the planet, and perhaps the Universe.

It would be arrogant of me to claim that my life could possibly encompasses the entire Universe, except that I believe the same to be true of every human being alive today. Each of us is a pin prink of light in a sea of consciousness, the culmination of billions of years of sentient life – observing, reflecting, responding; making inward sense of the world and then creating it through our every outward movement.

Loving ourselves matters. It matters far more than our ability to make peace with our past, accept our present, and move into the future with faith – although that is where we must start. It matters more than the spaciousness, forgiveness, encouragement, and fierce honesty we offer others – although nothing life-serving can enter this world without them. It even matters more than the creative and courageous actions we take to ease the suffering of our world and help steward a new age – although life on this planet hinges on our capacity to do so.

Loving ourselves matters because we are the Universe itself, so when we know and love ourselves, we are embracing everything. We are the result – at this present moment – of a grand experiment of physics and consciousness. Our every thought, sensation, and sentiment is Life itself at play – seeing what will happen if atoms move here, if synapses connect there, if awareness expands or contracts in just such a way.

Loving ourselves is saying “Yes” to this experiment; it’s our way of proclaiming: “I want to be a part of this.” How we show up and participate in the Universe’s infinite journey to know itself transcends any self-help program, any spiritual aspirations, any campaign to save the world. It’s deeply personal – a journey no one can take for us and that cannot happen without us – and it’s also completely impersonal – indifferent to our desires and expectations. Saying “yes” to participating is our way of saying: “I matter profoundly; and I’m willing to sacrifice myself because I’m completely insignificant.”

It’s not easy. That would be boring. It’s not all about surrender and service. That’s too one-dimensional. Life wants to break the rules. It wants to push the limits. It wants to implode, explode, stagnate, over-populate. It wants to do whatever hasn’t been done before in greater complexity, in tighter orbits. It will always defy what you think it’s about, because creation is always one step ahead of us. More than anything, it wants to sit right in that juicy, tenuous spot of contradiction – of what’s impossible, irreconcilable – and then make it so.

This book is about life or death. We choose to willingly participate in the unfolding of the Universe through us in this completely individual, unrepeatable manifestation of wonder or we choose to back away, hide, wither, die consumed by our own self-inflicted anxiety, bitterness, and greed. Most days, we sit at the threshold between them: hoping and giving up, embracing and withdrawing, feeling resigned and longing so much we fear our hearts will leave our bodies. That is exactly where we should be, where we have always been, where the Universe wants and needs us to be.

Human beings are hybrid, amphibious creatures – something of cosmic light and earthly darkness, profoundly generous and shockingly selfish, heart-breakingly reactive and astonishingly aware. We infuse stone and water and sunlight with consciousness. We praise it. We mold it. We extinguish it. We are horrified and ashamed. We nurse and tend. We return. We forget. We are forever bewildered, awe-struck, fixated.

There is no end. Physical death is just a momentary cessation of breath. There is no escape. There is no clean slate of a new life. Everything builds endlessly on what came before. And everything is messy, veiled. Each moment we face a simple choice – to participate in what we are and what is, or to deny it. Self-hatred says “no”. Self-love says “yes”. There is no fundamentally correct or morally superior choice. Whatever you choose serves the grand story of existence. The question is, do you want to be dragged or do you want to walk with dignity?

I know what I aspire to choose. This book is about that choice.

Nancy